Immaturity

I understand I am not the best student at school. I understand my room is a mess. But this isn't correct. I don't have family here. I always go to friends holidays for the family feeling. They are taking me in. The second I have a family opportunity I want him to experience MY family. He is the only mature guy I have dated so that would not be a problem. He isn't an ass hole, that shouldn't be in the way. Where is the problem? What is your problem?

You tell me you want to be in my life more. That I am always out, that you don't know me anymore. HERE is a chance. Yeah I know that my "bfs"(past) are always there. But so what. Life involves getting hurt and learning from mistakes. You do not know how badly the adults in my life scarred me. Sometimes its nice to get attached. I am terrified of it. When you are attached, even just the slightest, it shows that your heart is into it. Is it so wrong to put your heart into something you truly love?  When I feel I get attached, I hide in a shell and force my self to stop. Anyway, You want to know me?  Get to know my boyfriend.

I see Tracy once every 2 or ever week. We talk. You don't try to get to know a guy who actually CARES of what your profession is. If you can't even bother to know him then why bother making me feel like crap when you say, "I never see you anymore".


This may be our last xmas together as a family. I want someone I love to see what I always brag about. Because I am proud of it. If this inner feelings of yours can't at least understand and give it a try. Then I guess I won't have a XMAS this year.


Happy Holidays my ass